that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
