I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
