drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
