No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
