pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
