i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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