Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
