I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
