someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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