I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
