so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
