i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
