I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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