I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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