My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
