Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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