the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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