Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
