I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
