he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
