The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
