He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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