I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
