If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I will be naked everywhere
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Is this like a preordered booty call?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
