I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
