All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
