First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
