is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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