i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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