mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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