Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
How does one acquire holy water?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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