just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
