Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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