Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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