I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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