id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
he laminated a picture of his dick.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
