just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
