Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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