Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
