I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
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