I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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