My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
