i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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