I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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