i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
