Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
two words: eviction party
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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