New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
