Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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