if you like me you must not know who I am
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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