u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Someone shit on the floor
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Randomize
