I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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