420 ftw
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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