Redeem this text for a blowjob
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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