my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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