I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
