remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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