literally had 100 drinks last night.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
