She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
where does the pee come out of this thing
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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